Children can learn Emotional Resilience

Children Can Learn Emotional Resilience

When Michelle heard that her teacher had called her mother, she immediately assumed the worst.
    "She's probably going to tell her how bad I'm doing at school," Michelle said.
    And when Ben saw two other kids on the playground talking and pointing in his direction, he thought they were talking about him.
    Some children, like Michelle and Ben, often react to some of the usual trials of early childhood - being teased, getting a bad grade at school, getting criticized by a parent, losing a game - by thinking negative thoughts and feeling discouraged or defeated.
    Other children, however, are more resilient. They are the ones who can roll with the punches and instead of being devastated by unpleasant situations often strengthen their resolve to survive them. Such children are more optimistic.
    Why is it that some children persist when the going gets tough and others have self-defeating negative thoughts which block them from being resilient?
Some studies show that resilient kids, those who can turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones, are made - not necessarily born.
    This kind of emotional resilience, it turns out, can be learned in the home. And it's parents who can teach young children to bounce back from adversity.
    How can parents do this?
    For one thing, some experts in resilience say, parents should encourage objective thinking. It seems that some children tend to view situations negatively rather than positively or objectively. When they view things in a negative way, they are more likely to jump to negative conclusions - conclusions which may be faulty or, at the very least, discouraging.
    You can help your child practice more objective thinking by using two steps.
    The first step is to teach your child how to catch herself being negative. Ask her, for instance, what she thinks when the teacher wants to talk to you. Or what goes through his mind when he sees other children talking and pointing in his direction. If the child automatically concludes someting negative ("They don't like me" or "She's going to say bad things about me"), explain to the child that the assumption is negative.
    The idea in this first step is to teach your child to recognize their own negative and pessimistic thinking.
    The second step is to show the child how to reason more objectively to himself or herself. You show this by taking an objective stance yourself and giving other possible assessments of a situation.
    For example, if a teacher wants to talk with you, you could explain that this might mean that the teacher has some good news or that there is a concern about an area of schoolwork. Or that the teacher likes your child and is simply showing interest and concern by talking to you.
    Similarly, in a playground situation, you could explain that this could mean that the other childrern aren't talking about him at all. Or that they are saying something nice about him.
    By helping your child take a more objective view of situations, you are teaching hopefulness - which is precisely what resilience is all about.