Chidren Need Their Privacy

Children Need Their Privacy as Much as Adults

When I was 8 years old, my friends and I built a crude fort in our backyard. On the door was a sign that said, "No girls allowed."
At age 11, I had a baseball card collection that I hid in the attic so no one could find it.
Later, when I was 15, the sign on my bedroom door read: "Keep out! No parents allowed."
It’s not that I was a particularly secretive kid, I just liked to keep some parts of my life private.. Most children and teens have the same need. Sure it’s great having close relationships with parents, siblings, and friends, but there are some thoughts, feelings and "treasures" most of us want to reserve just for ourselves.
Parents sometimes may be suspicious of a child who tries to hide a part of himself. Or they may make light of a child’s private time, though5s, or toys. But a child who is never allowed his own space may have trouble figuring out who he is apart from others. When you respect your child’s need for privacy, trust grows between you an so does your child’s sense of identity.
Even infants and young toddlers need some privacy once in a while. Think of how a child develops. She spends the first 9 months of life in a womb and the next year literally never separated from a parent. Is it any wonder that at about 10 or 12 months of age she wants to go her own way and do things herself?
Each infant and toddler has a different threshold for stimulation, and time spent with you. You have to watch for your child’s cues so you get to know when he’s had enough together time or stimulation.
Once you become skilled at reading these signs and signals, you can begin to respect them. And you can help others respect them, too. A simple, "Dad, I know you love carrying the baby around, but he’s had enough closeness for now" can help your child get some welcomed relief from over stimulation.
Obviously, it’s not just infants who need time to shut down or be alone. Preschoolers build forts of blankets and like to hide in them. Other preschoolers find a quiet space behind a couch or escape in make-believe play with dolls or action figures.
At about age 5 or 6, many children will let you know they are ready for some privacy when taking a bath. Others want to dress themselves or choose their own clothes.
The early school-age years of 6 to 9 are typically a time when children join clubs, build forts or playhouses, have secret meetings, collect precious treasures and start diaries.
This is not necessarily a rejection of you as a parent. It’s more a carving out a part of their life they can call their own.
But when you see these needs for privacy, it’s important for you to examine your own needs for closeness and togetherness. How close do you have to be? How much do you need to know about every detail of your child’s life?
Yes, you should be involved with your child. But there are limits. At some point, you have to use a baby sitter – if only to let yur child know other people. Your child can benefit from going to a daycare center or spending time with a daycare provider, again, as a way of being their own person with their own activities.
Make sure you’re not indulging your own needs instead of respecting your child’s needs for space of their own.