Pride, Individual Freedom come Second to Safety
Should parents pay for kid's crimes?
This question is being asked with increasing frequency, not only in the past few weeks but also in the last two years, as youth violence, particularly in schools, increases.
Should their parents be held responsible for the tragic massacre perpetrated by Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold in Littleton, Colorado?
Are any of us parents responsible for the behavior of our children? Should we be held accountable for the actions of our kids?
Several years ago in her book "Deadly Consequences: How Violence is Destroying Our Teenage Population and a Plan to Begin Solving the Problem." Deborah Prothrow-Stith, an assistant dean of the Harvard School of Public Health, stated her views very simply and directly: "I believe that if all the children born in America learnd at home how to manage anger and aggression non-violently, our homocide and assault rates would decline by 50 percent - maybe even 75 percent."
Prothrow-Stith went on to say in her book that parent-training classes should be mandatory in every high school in America. Other experts go farther and say that people ought to have a license in order to become a parent. Some even advocate for holding parents responsible for the behavior of their children.
A few years ago, it became popular to pass laws that were dubbed parental-responsibility laws. These laws, passed in many cities and states, held parents responsible for such behaviors of their children and teens as curfew violations, gang membership, delinquency and school truancy. Often the penalty for the parents was a fine or attendance at a parent-training course.
Last week, Charles McCoy, professor emeritus of theological studies at Pacific School of Religion in Berkeley, Calif., said, "Parents are the last stronghold of amateurism. We need parental education."
I have been involved in parent education and parent-skills training clases for much of the past 20 years. My experience shows, and the research that's been done during the past two decades confir, that parents can gain valuable discipline and child-rearing skills in an eight to 12-week parent-training course.
Yet when these courses are offered, parents don't flock to take them. Why is that?
One of my beliefs is that too many parents are threatened by the prospect of someone else telling them how to raise their children. And it's often the one area many people can hold on to and say "I have the right to raise my kids anyway I choose."
But we don't have the privilege of feeling that way any longer. Not after Littleton, Jonesboro, Pearl and several other schools and cities where teenagers exploded in murderous rage.
When teenagers can kill 13 classmates and teachers and cause sorrow and grief to a whole country, it's no longer a matter of pride or individual freedom. It's about how to stop the violence and raise children who know how to manage anger and conflict in appropriate ways.
That has to be more important than anyone's concern about being free to raise children in one's own individualistic way.