Helping Child Handle Anger

Helping Child Handle Anger Teaches other Social Skills

All children get angry at times during the toddler and preschool years, but some youngsters react with greater intensity to frustrating situations than others.
A child's temperament will be one factor that determines how easygoing to intense they will be when distressed.
Yet, temperament isn't the only thing that influences how children react.
Take 3-and-a-half-year-old Jennifer. She has a low tolerance for frustration. If she doesn't get her turn to play on the swings or if she has difficulty with the buttons on her blouse, she reacts with crying and screaming.
Four-year-old Brad gets angry, too, but his anger seems to be less intense and dissipates quicker. It's not that he is never frustrated by situations that go wrong, but he seems to bounce back more easily from these episodes than do other children.
What makes the difference in how two children react to frustration and anger?
It may be in the way their parents teach them to handle their anger.
Learning to deal well with anger is a social skill - and a particularly important one. But as wih any skill, it can be learned and enhanced through the teachings of a parent. Parents who can teach their children how to diffuse their own anger are teaching them to be more socially skilled.
How can parents best teach preschool children to soothe themselves and defuse their anger and distress?
First, be aware that young children need parents who react to their anger with support and comfort. Rather than reinforcing anger or making it worse, a supportive response helps children to learn to get over angry outbursts more quickly.
How does a parent best support and comfort that child who is frustrated and angry?
To begin with, take a few moments and soothingly ask your child why she is upset and angry. Even if you already know, it's important to ask. It is helpful for children to put the reasons for their anger into words.Then, listen to the response from your child and treat it seriously.
Don't diminish the reason or minimize it . For instance, don't say, "That's nothing to get mad about." Instead, say, "I can see why you'd get mad about that. It's hard to wait for our turn when we want to play on the swings."
Encourage constructive action. If your child is to learn how to handle anger, she must also learn how to take some kind of constructive action to solve the problem. But she will need your help, because often kids just dissolve in anger and tears and at this stage of development do not yet know how to solve their problems.
You can suggest, for example, "If you're mad because your sister is touching your doll, tell her." This helps a child take charge in a more positive way.
Finally, your can teach your child how to best cope with a frustrating situation, or you can recommend an alternative action. For instance, you could say, "I know you're mad because brother wants to play on the swing for a while. But it's his turn. Let's see what you can do until he's done. I know! You can ride your tricycle."