Teach Sensitive Children How to Cope with Emotion
As the family was getting into the car and children were being strapped into their car seats, 4-year-old Jesse burst into tears.
At first his mother thought he might have been pinched by the buckle of his car seat or his little fingers caught in the door.
But no. Jessie was inconsolable because he didn't get to sit in the front seat.
When Jennie came home from school, she dropped her book bag and jacket at the door. She ran to her room and flung herself on the bed and sobbed.
Her father followed her to her room and sat on the edge of the bed.
"Nobody likes me," 10-year-old Jennie wailed.
"How do you know that?" her father asked.
"Because when we were on the playground, the kids sang a song and put my name in it."
"Were you the only one they did this to?" he asked.
"No," Jennie said. "They do that to everyone."
Children like Jennie and Jesse are moue touchy, more sensitive and often their reactions - to pleasure, pain, surprise or fear - are more intense. They cry at the drop of a hat and they wear their hearts on their sleeves.
During the middle years of childhood, super-sensitive children don't learn to hide their feelings like other children. Consequently, the years between first grade and early or even middle adolescence are marked by frequent episodes of upset and tears.
If you're the parent of a sensitive child, it may feel like you're always trying to soothe ruffled feelings or put out an emotional fire. You may be troubled about how you're going to teach them to learn that crying is socially unacceptable. You may also wonder whether you did something wrong to make them so emotional and vulnerable.
Sensitive kids may be boys or girls. They may be firstborn or lastborn or even only children. Very often, only one child in the family is sensitive while your other children seem to be made of sturdier stuff and bounce back from rebuffs and teasing without showing the same kinds of emotional reaction.
Of course, low self0-esteem, guilt and attachment problems can lead to a child being sensitive. However, typically the sensitive child has a temperament that predisposes them to react to whatever happens to them.
Psychologists who have studied temperament find that the super-sensitive child is generally somewhat shy, slow to warm up in new situations more prone to cry rather than get angry and very much tuned in to what happens around them. Events and sensations seem exaggerated to kids like this. They're more likely to cry at a scene in a movie where other kids are laughing or bored; or they will sob when their team loses a game while their teammates are simply shrugging it off.
Sensitive children need life to be stable and familiar. They generally get along well with other children because they have a natural ability to empathize with others.
Having a sensitive child can be a great pleasure for you as a parent. However, it can also be trying. One of the best things you can do for your sensitive child is to help him understand that it's his nature to feel things deeply and help him learn to cope with upsets when they occur.