Teaching Children Patience

I can remember when my children were younger there were times I would get exasperated with their lack of patience. The
scene usually went like this:
     Jason: "Dad, will you play catch with me now?"
     Dad: "Just a minute, Jason. I'm busy right now."
     Jason: "Are you done yet? Can we play now?"
     Dad: "Jason, I said I was busy. It'll be a little while."
     Jason: "Dad, when can we play catch?"
     Dad: "Be patient! It will just be a few more minutes!"
     By the time I was snapping at my son, I was starting to feel guilty while at the same time being irritated at his lack of patience.
     But I also knew that I wasn't teaching him very much about patience at that time. I might even have been contributing to his
lack of patience.
     Later on, of course, both of our children learned how to be more patient and able to wait for things. And there were probably times I actually helped them learn this important concept.
     Patience comes in handy because, as we find out as adolescents and adults, there are plenty of times we have to wait
for things to happen.
     When it comes to our children, though, it's up to us to teach them how to put their impulses aside and learn to wait. Exasperation and snapping at our kids to "be patient" is not the way to cultivate this trait.
     Here are a few tips on teaching children patience.
    1. Be realistic in your expectations. Often when I asked my children to wait "for a little while," they were not old enough
to understand that my little while might mean thirty minutes or more. To a four year old, a "little while" might mean more like
thirty seconds. It's not until about age six or seven that many children can grasp the idea of time -- whether we're using thirty
minutes, this afternoon or tomorrow. If you want a preschool child to wait, then be concrete and specific about what has to
happen first. For instance, "When I'm done loading the dishwasher, then I will play with you."
    2. Keep your part of the bargain. If you say, "When I'm done reading the newspaper, then I'll help you with your homework," be sure you keep that promise. If you're like I was sometimes, I'd get involved in other activities and forget about what I promised my kids until they reminded me what I said I'd do. If you always say "later" and there is no later, then you're not teaching them to put off their demands and wait. They have to know there actually will be a later time when you keep your word.
     3. Involve your child in the process. Children are more patient when they're busy and have something to do. I saw a mother at the library recently who was involved in doing some research who had not brought enough toys or snacks for her child. She kept yelling at the child to wait and to be patient. That's not only unrealistic, but unfair. However, one way to teach children to learn to deal with waiting is to teach them to think for themselves. Specifically, you want to involve them in the process of thinking of how they can cope when they can't get what they want exactly when they want it. Instead of just telling a child to wait or to do what you've planned for her to do, ask her what she would like to do when spending the time waiting. With very young children, you can give them some ideas by showing them various toys and games and asking them. "Which ones do you want to play with while you're waiting for me at the library?"
     4. Reward patience. Sometimes we're so busy we don't always give our children positive feedback when they are being patient. Nor do we always avoid giving them the wrong kind of attention when they're impatient ("Be patient! Please."). Instead, giving verbal bouquets when they've being patient helps to teach them more patience. Do this instead of yelling when they aren't patient