Work with Teacher; Don't Assume the Worst about Child
"The teacher at the preschool where my 4-year-old is attending told me my son is impulsive and won't stay in his seat," a mother said.
"I've tried talking to him, offering him bribes, giving him timeout and taking away privileges, but nothing works. What can I do at home to help him stay in his seat and stop being impulsive?"
When I first heard this, I didn't like the sound of it. I could imagine what this mother must have thought when she got the phone call from the teacher.
My guess was she began to feel guilty, question the amount of time an attention she was giving her son and perhaps was fearful if she didn't make a quick change, her son might be asked to leave the preschool.
With these kinds of thoughts reeling in a parent's head, it's impossible to think clearly or respond in an appropriate way. Consequently, like most parents who tend to eel guilty and responsible for any perceived problems their child is said to have, this mother did the expected: She snapped into action.
Believing it was her job to make sure her son was no longer impulsive and would stay in his seat, she began to quiz him every evening and then began to offer rewards and threaten punishment if he didn't control himself.
It isn't fair for a parent to hear about problems in this way. Nor is it fair that responsibility for change fall on the one adult in the situation who has least control over what happens at school - the parent.
If this happens to you, before you respond as this mother did, take time to reflect on the situation and put it in perspective.
Reflect on the reality of the situation. Consider your child's age and circumstances. Think about normal childhood, behavior at this stage of life. Think of the time of the year and how long the child has been exposed to a new school and a new teacher. Keep in mind you are a parent and you're sharing the responsibility with a teacher, who also plays a part in your child's behavior.
Once having put things into perspective, it's best to set up a meeting with the teacher to discuss the situation. In holding such a meeting, your goal in not to create an adversary relationship with the teacher but to forge a cooperative partnership. An equal partnership lets you can objectively discuss observations and ideas.
As a parent, you can bring to this meeting something invaluable - you experience in watching your child grow up. You already know from watching him play with other children if your child is impulsive and overactive or has other traits. If you have never noticed these traits, you should tell the teacher.
In the course of a meeting with your child's teacher, develop an action plan with the teacher that draws on your expertise as the parent. You can teach the teacher what woks best with your child. You can give her tips on motivating you child and let her know what discipline works best. You can teach her how to help your child adapt to a school atmosphere to maximize his learning.