All children will have to adjust to kindergarten
Your child is probably a day-care veteran. Many - if not most - children these days have spent a portion of their preschool years in a day-care setting of some kind.
With this background, making the adjustment to kindergarten should be a breeze, right?
Not necessarily. Even though marching off to kindergarten may not be the rite of passage it once was, it is still a big change for most children.
Going to a "real" school is a transition for 5-year-olds because they've heard about going to school for such a long time. They are likely to have become somewhat familiar with the building during kindergarten roundup or by being in the building with an older sibling, or just by seeing the outside of the building frequently and being told that's where they would one day attend school.
But no matter how ready they may seem for their first real school, kindergarten newcomers are apt to feel overwhelmed at first. Everyone is a stranger and everything seems huge - the playground, the gym, the older children in the hallways, and the lunchroom. Even the classroom is different.
And there's less individual attention and more discipline. Whereas in day care there was probably one adult for every eight or 10 children, now the ratio has changed. It's more likely that the ratio of children to grownups can be as high as 30-1.
And those are just the obvious differences. Less obvious are the academic adjustments that kids have to make. When I was a child, the whole point of kindergarten was simply to socialize children, teaching us to share, tidy up and play peacefully with others.
Now, all of that has changed. These previous lessons are learned in day-care programs. Today most 5-year-olds are socialized and a great many have moved on to counting, memorizing their addresses and phone numbers and learning the alphabet along with writing a few words. Since they've got some academics under their belt, they're ready for more advanced learning - such as reading, writing and arithmetic.
With all of these changes lurking in your child's pathway to school, how can you help her make a smooth transition into kindergarten?
First, talk to your child about the changes that will take place at home. For instance, there will be an earlier bedtime that will allow your child to get all of the sleep that growing children need. Also, there may be less television and more reading time during the school year.
Next, make sure you will be available on the first day of school (and maybe even the first week) to help your child find his or her room and get more familiar with the hustle and bustle of a large elementary school.
Many kindergarteners, despite their day-care experience, will suffer separation anxiety or even panic. Be there for the first few minutes so that you can be sure your child connects with the teacher as well as with some of the other children.
When it's time for you to go, be matter-of-fact about leaving. Even if you are hesitant yourself, put on a confident face, tell your child you are leaving - then leave.
If your child seems extremely upset, acknowledge her feelings by saying, "I know you're sad that I'm leaving. I must go to work now, but we'll see each other later."
Most teachers will take over from there. It's more disruptive for your child for you to stay around while your child cries or asks you not to leave. Most crying episodes will stop shortly after you leave. And often by the second week of kindergarten, most of the crying has stopped if you're leaving in a casual way.
(James Windell is a Bloomfield Hills psychologist. Write to him at The Daily Oakland Press, P.O. Box 436009, Pontiac 48343; or e-mail jwind27961@aol.com.)